


Primary School Stuff

by PatPrecieux



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Humor and Smut, M/M, Post Easter antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 07:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14280108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatPrecieux/pseuds/PatPrecieux
Summary: Sherlock deletes something- AGAIN!





	Primary School Stuff

**Author's Note:**

> The earth goes round the sun; blue and yellow make green; 100 centimeters equals 1 meter. All true, but superfluous and summarily banished from the Mind Palace. No harm done- until now.

The flurry with which Sherlock and John left the flat a day before Easter, embarking on a mission to Turkey, was in stark contrast to the dogged fatigue of the jet lagged men who returned nearly two weeks later.

The usually affable doctor's grumbling only increased when they encountered the note on their door from Hudders, penned yesterday, that she had gone to her sister's for the rest of the week. Also included was an apology for not leaving any goodies for them as the date of their return was unsure and for turning the heat off in their flat days ago.

Sherlock was appalled, "How could she be so inconsiderate?!", he hissed as he turned the door knob and stomped into the flat. "Not even a tin of biscuits, and bloody hell it's freezing in here."

John reined in the smile forming on his lips and feigned annoyance. "I know she likes to tease, Sherlock, but she really isn't our housekeeper or our upstairs maid. A welcome home gift of spoiled food or stale bakery goods isn't her idea of affection. As for the flat, turn on the fireplace and turn up the thermostat, detective. Won't take long for things to heat up."

Even from across the room, the strop brewing was obvious, "But Jawnnn, I'm cold NOW."

"Alright, then I guess we'll just have to go to bed and heat things up in there, while it warms up out here. Oh you're smirking at the thought are you?"

"Not at the thought, no. It's just that when you wiggle your eyebrows like that, your nose crinkles and you look for all the world like an elderly grey haired rabbit. Rather makes up for you not getting that chocolate Easter Bunny you wanted on the day."

"Realizing it might not occur to you, let me remind you asking after Easter in a country that's almost 100% Muslim just isn't on. Lovely as the country and it's people are, it's not really the place to buy Peter Cottontail or Cadbury Eggs. Nevertheless, I think this elderly hare can still hop to it where you're concerned."

"Not until you tell me who this Peter person is you wanted to buy, for what? A wild evening with someone new?!"

"What are you on about? Wait, don't tell me you don't know who Peter Cottontail is? 'Course you don't, git. That's what the kiddies call the Easter Bunny. Only you would think it was a moniker for a rent boy. Bedroom, naked, this minute!!"

Shortly, Sherlock found himself blanketed by the sturdy and compact body of his blogger, who began nibbling on the younger man's ears.

"Watson, what are you doing?!"

"Don't think I've forgotten that you used my not getting my Easter candy as an excuse to buy that ridiculously expensive, posh honey you're so fond of. Think it's only fair that if you got your honey, I get to have my bunny, and I intend to enjoy it the way I did when I was a wee lad, my little honey bunny. First you nibble the ears, then the neck, and finally", he flipped Sherlock over, "you nibble that fluffy little tail right down to the nub."

"Jaawwnnn!!!!!!!!" 

 

***~~~***

 

Several hours later, Honey Bunny and the Old Hare awoke from their nap to a most disagreeable sensation.

"John, please, if you're going to break wind whilst being the little spoon you might warn me so I could put on my gas mask."

"Me?! Give over, I'm not the one who decided to eat asparagus and fig salad and white bean stew on the plane. Look to yourself before you blame me."

"Even I couldn't deny making such a stench without you deducing the lie. Not guilty. If it's not us, it must be in..". But John was already on his feet, dressing gown in hand and charging into the lounge. 

"God above, what the buggering fuck is that smell?!"

Sherlock was right on his heels, trying to appear unconcerned. "Gas from the fire or the hob?"

"No, not gas, it's more like sulfur, like...", his face turned a bright pink. "Sherlock, WHAT does it smell like to you?"

"As you said, John, sulfur, most reminiscent of rotten eggs. But that's impossible."

"Not impossible. It is YOU we're talking about, and YOU were the one who decided to have an Easter Egg Hunt for the kids of your Homeless Network, here, in our flat. Also YOU who insisted on hiding all the eggs yourself, no help from me, thank you very much."

"Hardly brain surgery secreting chicken balls around a single room, John. Besides, I did the maths and every egg was accounted for. I'd stake my reputation on it."

"Well, seems right now your reputation is most "fowl". Start sniffing, boyo, somewhere in this room is one or more very deceased chicken balls. I'm cracking some windows!"

 

Half an hour later, "Inside the animal skull? You needed a stool to climb up there. They were little kids, why would you put... know what, don't answer that. At least you found it, just put it in..."

"No need, I simply threw it out the window onto the bins because.."

"Yes, yes, the bins were asking for it I suppose. Good thing Hudders had the heat off up here the entire time we were gone or we wouldn't be able to live here for a bit. It shouldn't take long to air out."

Thirty minutes further along, "John, it doesn't seem to be abating."

Coughing with eyes watering, John growled, "You think genius? Clearly there's another egg in here somewhere. Now I'm going to plop myself down in my chair and you are going to find that corpus delicti even if it takes you all night. And don't think of giving me those big sad eyes. Find the damn thing!!" 

With that, John executed the promised plop and instantly jumped to his feet. "Holy shit! You didn't. You arse! How could you?!"

Turning a particularly unattractive shade of palest white, Sherlock stammered, "Found it then? Clever you, now it's all fine."

"All fine, ALL FINE?" John gingerly raised the cushion revealing a thoroughly smashed egg which alternated in areas oozing what might be politely called pukey green and rotting black. "You are cleaning this up, Sherlock Holmes."

"I doubt we have the cleaning materials to adequately accomplish the job."

"Agree. So, put on some clothes and off you pop to Tesco's where you will buy some upholstery shampoo, a giant size room deodorizer and, God help you if you forget, some fresh milk. In the meanwhile, I'm going to double check we have no more stink bombs left in this flat. Go!!"

***~~~***

Later that night, the Watson "seat" had been restored to better than it's original pristine condition and the air smelled of a tantalizing blend of cinnamon and vanilla.

John had long since abandoned his aggravation, in no small part due to the half as tall as him Chocolate Easter Rabbit Sherlock had brought home, proudly proclaiming it a steal at 80% off, and his childlike pride at having actually remembered the milk as well. So, he derived no satisfaction from his lovers woebegone face.

"Here then, beautiful man, everything's settled now, love. Why the long face?"

"I simply cannot understand what precipitated this fiasco, John. Every single child that was here left with one egg and I had just enough eggs to equal that number. There should have been no remaining eggs to decompose in our lounge."

"Are you sure, your maths was right?"

Sherlock huffed in annoyance, "I believe my giant brain, as you call it, is capable of a simple computation. There was no margin for error."

"How many dozen eggs did you order in bulk, Sherlock?"

"Damn it all! Enough eggs for an equal number of children,70! It's inexplicable!!

"So, what, six dozen eggs for 72 children, then?”

"Don't be dense John. Do keep up, I said 70 children. Honestly, the mind boggles at times at your inane ignorance and lack of attention, Watson!"

Clearing his throat to avoid choking on a laughing fit, John quietly asked, "Sherlock, dear, darling, honey bunny, how many of anything is in a dozen. Anything at all, doughnuts, or ah, maybe eggs?"

"Everyone knows that. There are ten to a dozen. It's primary school stuff."

Walking over to Sherlock, he pulled him into a fierce hug. "You know I love you more than my life, yeah? And I'd never intentionally do anything to embarrass you, but sweetheart, there are twelve in a dozen."

"That's impossible, John. I would not make that kind of mistake. See here, I'm googling it. There are..."

Before he could storm off to the bedroom and hide behind a slammed door, Sherlock found himself thrown to the couch and sat upon. 

"Nope, not happening. We're staying right here until I snog that tantrum right out of your system."

Good as his word, it wasn't long before the doctor's ministrations had Sherlock rumbling with laughter dissolving into moans and sighs.

"I feel absolutely stupid making such a simple mistake, John. However do you put up with me?"

"Never expected that you would remember something so mundane as what constitutes a dozen."

"Must have deleted it, unless YOU think I'm stupid. Besides why should I remember it? Tesco’s shouldn’t have delivered too many.”

"Why should YOU have to indeed. That's what you keep me around for, pesky minutiae that would only clutter up your Mind Palace. But me, think you're stupid? Far from it, gorgeous. I'm a moron compared to you, but twelve to a dozen is precisely the kind of thing I EXPECT you to forget, my brilliant, remarkable man. Makes perfect sense, love, it IS primary school stuff."

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted by a trip to Walgreens this morning. Here we have a large Greek population who celebrated Orthodox Easter two days ago. So now there are aisles of Easter candy 70 to 90 percent off. Who doesn't want Cadbury Eggs 5 for a dollar? 
> 
> Left over Easter candy is dandy, unrefrigerated hard boiled eggs- not so much. Also, FYI, it's never too late to eat a chocolate bunny.


End file.
